January 31, 2017
How to forgive a cheater
In order to forgive a cheater you must come to terms with one simple fact. Not all of them are worth forgiving. In instances where you’ve been lied to, told that you’re being crazy or insane, and taught to mistrust your instincts, or even blamed for their infidelity, your only safe bet is to walk away. Such a person isn’t worth forgiving. The person you must learn to forgive is yourself.
Step 1: Determine if they’re worthy of forgiveness
In the majority of instances, cheating happens because one partner is not emotionally capable of reserving their entire romantic and sexual life for one person. In some ways this is perfectly natural, and just as prevalent in women as it is in men, though men have a reputation for it. If your partner has been lying to your face and telling you that you’re crazy and stupid, then you’re likely dealing with someone who has narcissistic tendencies. They don’t care about your feelings at all, otherwise they wouldn’t be trying to make you feel insane for trusting your instincts. Such a tactic is called gaslighting and it a form of psychological abuse. While women are far more often than not the victims of gaslighting, they are also just as capable of being the perpetrators of it. If this describes your experience then your best bet is to walk away, and leave the forgiveness to God.
Step 2: Empathizing with their reasons for cheating
This is incredibly difficult to do since you are the victim here. Cheaters tend to be serial cheaters. Not only do they have sex with anyone who makes themselves available to them, but they seek out sexual partners outside of their relationship. If you can deal with the fact that they are predisposed, for whatever reason, to this type of behavior, then you should simply walk away. Understand that it’s not your fault that they’re like that, and that there’s nothing you could have done differently to prevent them from cheating. When they try to tell you that you’re the only one they want and they made a huge mistake, you can believe that they mean that insofar as they’re trying to convince themselves of it. Their intentions may be genuine. But sooner or later their desire will override those intentions. If you can’t deal with the fact that they will cheat again, then you should walk away.
In some instances, cheating happens when an otherwise monogamous partner isn’t ready for a monogamous relationship. This is especially true of younger folks who find themselves in short, passionate romances. Sometimes they end up going back to you after giving you this explanation, but more often than not they don’t. In this case, if they cheated on you, it’s because the relationship had run its course and they were on to the next one. You can take solace in the fact that the person who they cheated on you with, will be one being cheated on next, and so on.
Step 3: Forgiveness is its own reward
Affair forgiveness is the key to getting over an affair. In order to bring yourself to a place where you can trust again you must learn to empathize with the reasons why partners cheat. This will help you anticipate the personality quirks that make a person more likely to be a cheater. Empathy is all about seeing things from another’s perspective. And this is especially important when that person has hurt you. You forgive so that you can move and have a healthy relationship with someone who wants the same thing from a relationship as you.